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The Hoo-Ha about Hoo-Hoos

Karin Kallmaker Simply the Best 47 Comments

So I was looking up the history and use of “hoo hoo,” you know, like you do when you’re a writer and you want to be sure that what you think a phrase means is the generally accepted definition.

What’s the Hoo-Ha about Hoo-Hoos?

I confirmed that “hoo-hoo” is a euphemism for lady bits. I was grateful to do so without having to confront the often exceedingly graphic definitions at The Urban Dictionary. As with Mahjong, I found variation in the spelling – to hyphenate or not to hyphenate?

So I asked on various folks on Facebook. There was no consensus about whether the hyphen was required. One person – dead serious I’m sure – thought the hyphen made it more elegant. The Interwebz didn’t have a definitive opinion, and I wasn’t about to click on any site that wanted to show me images. If I’m looking to look, I can always refer to Femalia.

I decided on the hyphen because, sure, it’s more elegant.

Hoo-Hoo Research

Why was I looking up uses of “hoo-hoo”? Simply the Best is set inside a wildly successful women’s lifestyle and wellness company. My deep dive into the women’s wellness industry turned up a product called a yoni egg, which is a rock sold to correct imperfect hoo-hoos. I hadn’t known that any hoo-hoo could be less than perfect!

“So on top of her face, her skin, her makeup, her weight, her hair, and her clothes, women are also supposed to be worried about whether they have perfect vaginal walls?” – CC from Simply the Best

Making women insecure is the road to riches. Meanwhile, there is zero evidence that yoni eggs have any efficacy. Don’t believe me, ask Dr. Jen Gunter, I dare you.

The International Concatenated Order of Hoo-Hoo

Women who love women could generally think that if there’s a Hoo-Hoo Club, they’re automatically enrolled. I mean, well, we’re generally “yes please” when it comes to hoo-hoos, and most of us have hoo-hoos. A membership card seems a little over-the-top, though.

the 1915 Hoo-Hoo cards will be delayed

Oh, the things that fascinate writers and lure us down rabbit holes of minutiae. I did find in existence, since at least 1892, the International Concatenated Order of Hoo-Hoo. (I’m sorry, I can’t type that without giggling. Ahem.)

I could not confirm that the modern use of “hoo-hoo” to mean “lady bits” in any way evolved from the antiquated use of “hoo-hoo” to mean “concerned with wood.” And I’ll spare you the ultimate rabbit hole on why hoo-hoo was equated with lumbering. Short answer: translation of an ancient Chinese poem wherein lumberfolk holler with great cheer.

It’s a perfect example of things writers take time to exhaustively learn, and know of course not to put in books because our editors strike it all out with red pen words like “no” and “boring” and “jibber jabber.” So we desperately wish these details would show up in a Jeopardy category. “I’ll take Hoo-Hoo for $200, Alex.” Only it wouldn’t be Alex (RIP, Quiz Master). Maybe it’ll soon be “I’ll take Hoo-Hoo for $200, LeVar.” (LeVar Burton’s guest hosting tryout to replace Alex Trebeck starts this Monday. But I digress.)

Abomination or Gag Gift?

The main characters of Simply the Best argue about yoni eggs, though they are generally in agreement when it comes to what does belong in hoo-hoos. You can learn more about Pepper and Alice, and what they agree on, when the book comes out in just 3 more weeks.

Meanwhile, there’s a lengthy excerpt at the book’s All About page. And this teaser:

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